Sunday, October 02, 2011

Our Past and the Baggage it Leaves in the Attic

     Baggage in our Attic is not always something we like to realize is there.  It has taken me awhile to even notice it was hiding up there and even longer for me to clear it out!  My past may not be as "horrible" or "tragic" as some others my have but it was still not a lovely past even though it was only 4 years of my life.   It has caused me issues that have made me paranoid and insecure.  I know struggle with the fear of no longer being loved, and  I sometimes miss interpret a cancellation as that person ditching me.  I know it sounds pathetic and slightly immature but it happens.  I am also an extremely jealous person thanks to my past.  Its funny how we never let certain things have an effect on us till we go through an experience.  Fear of rejection is in many of us. Even if we do have people around us who care and love us we still fear it.  Constantly looking for reassurance from them to know they will stand by us.  Even with the reassurance we still struggle with it like a disease.  It has brought me to tears at times.  These fears have also lead me to make some bad decisions in my life.  I still have to remember to think twice before going off my emotions and fears in choices I make.  This is apart of growing up, learning how to deal with this. Every day I need to remind myself to clean my Attic. On the days I don't, are the days I struggle with them and brings me tears and depression! First step to healing is the recognition to the problem!

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